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Two weeks into the new six week Melbourne lockdown and there’s a chance I’ve lost my mind.

It’s a Sunday afternoon I’m working on my fourth jigsaw, and there are crows pecking at my roof. (I live on the top floor of a building that has a stupid Australian metal roof). These crows peck at my roof above the room I work in every single day. I’m sure they know what they’re doing, Crowy bastards!

I’ve completed a craft project, am attempting nail art and am seriously interested in the paint by numbers adverts that are popping up on my instagram. WTF!

I have fully embraced the sweatpant as an essential piece of clothing, and not in a cool sports luxe way, in a pilled and covered in food crumbs who cares kind of a way.

Video calls for work mean at least the top half of me makes an effort, news reader dressing.

I’ve gone on a weird sandal spending spree, am I subconsciously wishing for summer?, or is it just having a reason to put any other shoe on than slippers or my walking trainers (my other trainers feel sad and neglected) when I’m lucky enough to leave the house.

Rules are we can leave the house for one hour a day to exercise, and forage for essential supplies like Vodka and crisps.

I of course always wear my mask, mainly to cover the acne caused by wearing the mask, and am being strangely tempted by sparkly gold ones on line. It’s pretty horrible being trapped in with your own breath, but I have discovered some benefits.

1, You can openly lip sync along with all your favourite tunes, and no one knows.

2, Keeps your nose warm on cold days.

3, No that’s it, it’s basically rubbish.

Then curfew sets in at 8pm until 5am. Now It’s actually winter in Melbourne, and I generally wouldn’t have left my house after 8pm on a school night anyway. But that’s not the point, at least I could if I wanted. Now what will happen, will I be disappeared? Or maybe shot on site?

The last lock down was a bit of a novelty, and I still went into the office 2 to 3 days a week.

There were FaceTimes with people most evenings, and you could still go for a walk with your friends no matter how far away they lived.

It worked and they let us out to play in June. Managed a couple of great dinners, one lunch and a trip to the cinema before they told us we’d taken the piss the infections were going back up so for fuck sake get back indoors!

So here we are, I have friends who’ve bought new houses that I can’t visit as they are further than 5km, others who’ve postponed weddings.

I know this is awful for everyone, but the worst for me is that I’ve missed a trip home and don’t really have any idea of when I can get back. Those trips home recharge my battery and get me away from Melbourne winter. Even if this works and Australia becomes a disease free zone, we are probably going to have to wait for a vaccine before they let us leave.

I know I don’t have it bad really, it’s a bit lonely but watching friends trying to cope with this and home schooling I realise how lucky I am.

So I’ll keep walking outside for my hour a day, do my zoom work outs and save my money. All the while dreaming of holidays in hot places, and drinking cocktails in bars full of people while wearing my new sandals.